It’s amazing how my mind can mess with me even in seemingly idyllic situations. I can still get myself really wound up about all the stuff I have to do, what I must do, even if those things aren’t work related. When I was in New Mexico it was supposed to snow 12 inches overnight on Saturday and my son wanted to go fresh-track skiing first thing in the morning. My Boston Marathon training plan had me scheduled to run 12 miles in the morning as well. I tossed and turned quite a bit between midnight and 1 AM thinking about these two things that I have to do and how to make them both fit. I remembered that there is nothing that I have to do and nowhere that I have to go. Everything is a choice. Of course there are results from the choices, but it is still a choice. I don’t have to do the run. I don’t have to ski fresh tracks. I don’t have to even run the Boston Marathon at all. These are all choices, things I get to do. Then I used Step 3, from 8 Steps to Mastering Midlife Transition, meet fear with data. I got up and looked at the weather. The snowstorm had delayed a day. I relaxed and decided to run whenever I got up feeling fully rested, and then go skiing after that. I woke Sawyer at 7:30 before I headed out and he said “Oh good, because I wanted to sleep in anyway.” And I had been stressing out about that. Our minds need something to stress about and thinking we have to is a easy trap to fall in to.
It’s so easy to start thinking I have to do this, and I MUST to do that. In reality, we don’t and life is much more enjoyable when we remember that. When I remember that everything I do is a choice, everything. There is NOTHING I HAVE TO do. I can choose to our not, but it is always a choice. I had a boss hat told me, and rightfully so, if I wanted to see how big a hole I would leave in the company when I left, I should put my hand down in a bucket of water and pull it out. I had a big job, and I felt like I had to stay there and had to perform well, had to be perfect, and yet he was right. Years later, when I left, the company went on just fine without me. Even the most critical things are not obligations, they are choices! When we remember they are choices, when we remember that we get to do them, or we want to do them, not that we have to, or must do, or should do them, it transforms our moments from drudgery and obligation to gratitude, awareness and joy.
What have you been feeling like you have to do this week in light of this conversation? Is it true? Or do you get to do it, or do you choose to do it, or do you choose not to do it? Of course, there will be different outcomes depending on what you choose. Certainly, keeping the mindset of “get to” and “want to” and “choose to”, everything we do is better, more effective, more peaceful, and much more fun!
Have a wonderful weekend doing all the things you get to do,
Art
PS I just listened to Episode 13 of Life In Transition with Jake Cortez, and it is amazing and really spoke to me. Talk about reframing and seeing life differently going from suicide thinking, and prison to productive businessman with an amazing life. Check it out!
#haveto #getto #choice #stress #gratitude #reframing