Friday Reflections BLOG

Friday Reflections #114: Beauty

Is there anything more beautiful than the late-afternoon sun-drenched, yellow, aspen leaves fluttering in the breeze against the bright blue sky? Not to me. But here’s the trick. I must slow down, I have to be still, in order to experience the beauty.  I have lived so much of my life so fast I literally didn’t notice the beauty around me. My whole life, nature has been a way of helping me slow down and see.  On Monday, I went for a hike in the New Mexico Mountains that I love near our rental property home and was amazed by the beauty that I saw in the golden aspen trees. But I couldn’t fully appreciate, be absorbed by it, unless

Friday Reflections #113: Grand Canyon Rim-to-Rim-to-Rim Part Two: Misogi

A misogi is an event that pushes you to your limits, forcing you to confront your fears and weaknesses. Michael Easter says it is so difficult that you’re only 50% sure that you can complete it, and you can’t die. In my book, Purposeful Living, I wrote about challenges making us feel alive. I experienced it doing R2R2R! It is the most difficult single day physical adventure in my life. It took over 18 hours, covering almost 50 miles and 12,000 ft of climbing in a single day. We started at midnight, and I finished at 6:20 p.m. The temperature range was from 35 F to 106 F. There’s lots of time to think, lots of time alone with nature

Friday Reflections #112 – Grand Canyon Rim-to-Rim-to-Rim Part One: Community

Community is so important and in so many ways. People that have good relationships, that live in community, live longer and more fulfilled lives. The Harvard Stude of Adult Development shows the best lives, the happiest lives are those that have good relationships. Community. And we also accomplish more together than we do alone. This is especially true when it’s authentic community, community that challenges and inspires us to do difficult things, to be the best we can be. I am deeply grateful to belong to such a community. This February, I was invited by @ThomasKowal and a bunch of his friends to join them to run Rim to Rim to Rim in the Grand Canyon. I thought that was

Friday Reflections #111 – Mid-Life Transition

Several things this week have me reflection on midlife transition. First, I flew with my youngest child, Kayli, to Scotland and got her set up at college and then left her there! I won’t see her until Christmas. The youngest! I am now back as an almost empty-nester, as my oldest is living his own life with busy job but still renting a room here for a few more months. Big mid-life transition! Second was “flow” reading an early draft of my friend Zana Goic Petricevic’s upcoming book, Leading on the Edge, which challenged me in many ways. The biggest being what I need to do to make sure I don’t die an unlived life. Third is launching Mid-Life Transition

Friday Reflections #110 – Purpose vs. Service

I have thought deeply about purpose my entire life, but especially the last five years. When I first did the institute for self-actualization workshop in 1989, I heard George Bernard Shaw’s poem, “This is the true joy in life being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.” When I attended Tony Robbins’ Date with Destiny 25 years later, I discovered that my primary question, the one I asked myself continuously, was “What is the purpose of my life?” It haunts me still as I am working through my midlife transition. “What is my purpose in the second half?” I asked myself. I’m starting to look at it differently. Maybe there isn’t some massive, unique purpose for

Friday Reflections #109 – Letting Go and Letting (Trusting) God

This was my motto starting in 2019 or 2020.  I know it was front and center when I was sick in 2020 and through my decision to leave my job in 2021 as well as starting my consulting business and podcast, selling my farm and buying a place in New Mexico.  I let go and trusted God and the results were amazing.  It was amazing for my spiritual growth and my mental and physical health and also for my finances and professional contribution as well as integrating my work with my family and friends.  I was most amazed by how much more value I could add at work when I wasn’t trying to be significant, when I was much slower

Friday Reflections #108 – Asking for Help

In America we celebrate rugged individualism! We love the story of the person who pulled themselves up from rags to riches. We applaud those that step up and take on heroic challenges and seem to overcome them on their own. We congratulate those who figure it out alone, learning from personal experience. But that is not the smartest way. We can learn much better and faster from someone else’s expertise, if we are willing to ask for help. Asking for help benefits us and others in many ways. Here are a few examples. When I ask for help, I invite others into connection and community. Seeking advice or input makes others feel seen and feel better towards me. A few

Friday Reflections #107 Open Heart

We hear it a lot. Keep your heart open. But what does that mean? I have had a great week. And I think it is largely because I have kept my heart open and recognized quickly when I started to close it. Here are the things I have noticed. First is how I keep my heart open toward myself, having the courage to go for the life that I desire, to plan and do those things that inspire me, even if I fear they will disappoint someone else. In reading Bronnie Ware’s writings on the regrets of the dying this week, it shows the top regret is not living a life true to ourselves, but one others expected of us.

Friday Reflections #106 – Loving Others

Yesterday, I was writing my morning pages, when my cousin was also talking to me. I asked me to allow me to focus on my journaling and he wandered away. It felt hard and sad to ask someone I love to leave. I felt like I was shunning him. I love myself and need this time alone. He loves me too and wants what is best for me, so it is not shunning him. It is loving and taking care of myself, which he would also want. By me making this uncomfortable request, I am helping him care for me, which he really wants to do. The most important message of Jesus is to love God and then love others

Friday Reflections #105 – Training and Working in a Sustainable Way

Last week I was in enjoying time together with my family on vacation in New Mexico, but I was also feeling tired and out of sorts.  Ok, here is a little context.  I am training for a 50-mile run in the Grand Canyon this fall, R2R2R, on my way to try to qualify for the Boston Marathon next year.  I have been logging quite a few miles.  I am also hosting the Life in Transition Podcast, which I love, and facilitating my Mid-Life Transition Mastery groups, and launching a related coaching business.  These are all good things, but I haven’t yet mastered working on any of them in a sustainable way.  Last Wednesday I woke and realized I was supposed

Friday Reflections #104 – Coming Home to Myself

At this point in my life, I know the most important thing I can do is to heal myself.  Through that, and only through that, can I make a positive impact on those around me, starting with my family, colleagues and friends.  But what does it mean to heal myself?  Is it letting go of the past?  Yes.  Is it creating mindfulness where I am not easily triggered?  Or triggered at all?  Yes.  As Viktor Frankl says, it is the ability to choose in the gap between stimulus and response, to choose how to respond and not to react out of our conditioning.  Is in learning to love myself?  Yes.  Is it creating compassion toward others?  Yes.  It is all

Friday Reflections #103 – Inspired Action

The last 10 days have been big in two ways. I was best man in my cousin’s wedding the same day my son was best man in his best friend’s wedding. It was so wonderful to see my cousin, who is more like a brother as we were raised together, finally getting the love and happiness he has so long deserved. I was honored to be there for him and with him. It was wonderful to be with all my siblings and cousins! It was a very full week. The second was increasing my meditation to 20 minutes twice a day and doing morning pages journaling as well. In the morning, it takes at least an hour to complete my

Friday Reflections #101 – Observing Depression

After such a wonderful week and weekend last week, this week has been very hard.  I have had several days where I felt depressed.  It is not just sad, but when everything looks gray and feels hopeless. Things that normally make me happy, the beautiful weather, running out doors, even connecting with my family, didn’t.  I even had a hard time tapping into gratitude during my morning and evening practices.  It finally shifted on Thursday morning with the use of three tools.  The first is to look at my situation in third person, to observe it from a distance.  When I was doing my morning feeling check in and I was feeling depression, I suddenly had the thought, “There is

Friday Reflection #100!! (Wow!) Force

This has been a great week.  All three “children” are home and we are working together to prepare for the high school graduation party today, the youngest, Kayli.  It is a real joy living life in community with my family.   We have done a fair amount of work on the house including assembling and installing a new gas grill and trouble shooting and repairing a big ceiling fan.  Working with my family, I can see how much closer we are than a few years ago when I was gone, working all the time.  We all have grown so much.  I invite now, not cajole.  The work is a joy and service not obligation.  The chance to do it for my

Friday Reflections 99: Coming of Age in Community

This Friday’s reflection is inspired by two things: my youngest child graduating high school next week, and the movie The Bank of Dave. Both got me thinking about the importance of community. As my kids become adults, my role as a parent is changing. It’s a bittersweet time. The Bank of Dave reminded me of the kind of supportive community I want for my children (and everyone!). Here are the key things Tonya and I want our children to know as they enter adulthood: Unconditional Love: You are loved no matter what, as I write about in my book Purposeful Living, Wisdom for Coming of Age in Complex Times (available by clicking this link, or your favorite bookstore – It

Friday Reflections 98: Want for Nothing

My wife and I were traveling for our anniversary this week. Toward the end of the trip, we were enjoying breakfast in the open air looking out over the water on a perfect day where the air touching my skin was a delight.  Sitting there, I was completely content.  I wanted for nothing.  Live was good.  I just let it soak in, desiring nothing more than this moment.  It felt great!  I reflected on that as we traveled home.  We had a wonderful trip and life is good overall.  And not that much had changed in my overall life except my mindset. Most unhappiness is caused by the gap between what we have and what we want, our current life

Friday Reflections 97: The Intractable, Insidious Ego

This has been a tough week.  I found out on Monday we released an old level of my book to the printers, just when I wanted to move it from pre-launch to launch mode.  I was still on rest from my marathon so I was not running in the morning, which really helps my mood.  We are leaving today for our 30th anniversary trip and I had the feeling all week, that I couldn’t get everything done before I left and that I would be late, stressed, and un-prepared for the trip.  (Be careful what you think!)  Finally, yesterday I had my 6-month follow up with my functional medicine doctor where we were reviewing the detailed blood test results compared

Friday Reflections 96: Let the Love Land

Sometime in the last few weeks I have noticed a shift in how I feel about connections with and compliments and congratulations from others.  I don’t know exactly when it started, but I sure can tell the difference now.  Before this shift, whenever I would get a compliment or kind word, I would be thinking about what was behind it.  Why was the other person doing it.  What did they want.  Who put them up to it.  Like there must be some other motive besides just kindness to me.  In the last few weeks, that has shifted.  I can receive congratulatory texts about the marathon I ran last weekend, and just accepted them.  Or invitations to social events and didn’t

Friday Reflections 95: Unplugged

I am just finishing up 3 days of being unplugged at a state park in Indian.  It has been wonderful!  I have slept a lot, meditated a lot, wrote a lot, journaled, reflected, walked and ran.  The key is to decompress, to really let everything go.  How do you do that you ask.  I am looking back now over the last 5 years at times I really was able to let everything go. There are only a handful of times: The first was 5 days at the monastery in the NM desert in August 2019; 12 days of backpacking at Philmont in June 2021, stepping into silence retreat at the center for artful living for five days in Dec of

Friday Reflection 94: Celebration

When was the last time you did something to really celebrate you?  Just for the fun of it?  I remember when I was able to attend the Olympics in Beijing in 2008 and was surrounded by many industries that were really celebrating and having fun, even if it wasn’t for me.  I missed that in automotive at that time.  It was great to be reminded of how fun life can be when we celebrate.  I have been lucky to have a big one only 2.5 years ago when I turned 50 and again last summer with an epic adventure in MT with my siblings that was a dream of mine.  This weekend I had another great celebration, my first book,

Friday Reflections 93:  Who Are You Being?

This week has been a struggle. I have felt down and tired.  My wife, Tonya, broke her ankle on Saturday and I injured my foot that affected my running and even just walking around the house, which I was doing much more of as I was taking over Tonya’s roles in the home and taking care of her.  I was working very hard, as it crunch time professionally with my book launch on April 6th, but I was not getting things accomplished, especially the needed administrative tasks.  That was very frustrating.  I was also feeling distance in my closest relationships.  When I get down, I reach out to others, usually starting with my amazing wife.  I talked to her on

Friday Reflections 92: Inner Guidance

A few times in my life I have been lucky enough to have real-time Q&A with Guidance, I call God, via journal writing after an extended silence in nature.  Last Sunday was one of those beautiful and surrendered moments.  I was at my cousin’s house in Santa Fe and a soft and heavy snow was gently falling. I had two clear questions I wanted answered.  I took my journal and a hot cup of tea and went out on the porch and sat in open-eyed meditation, including a walk on the labyrinth for more than thirty minutes, following the process discussed in Episode 16.  I left my phone inside, took off my watch but just had the timer set for

Friday Reflections 91:  Too Much of a Good Thing

Where I go, there I am.  If I haven’t don’t the internal work to really transition myself, whatever problems I have in one place or setting I take with me to another.  I experienced exactly that this week.  It is my son’s spring break form college, and we are in New Mexico with some friends working on the rental house and skiing and working and hiking and running and visiting.  They are all good things!  Here is what Wednesday looked like.  Woke at 6:00 and did my morning journaling and mediation.  From 7 to 8:40 I was in a video advisory board meeting for a friend’s start up.  Then breakfast and off to the ski mountain.  Home at 3:30 and

Friday Reflections #90: Suicide

What makes us think we have no other way out?  How can we talk ourselves into suicide being the only solution to our pain?  How can the pain be so intense or for our lives to feel so hopeless, that we think killing ourselves will make it better?  Two suicides in my circle in the last year, the closest one to me was in the last week, have me reflecting on it a lot. The first one, last year was a uber successful man in the community.  He truly had it all.  He had started and sold many businesses with at least one 8-digit exit.  He had a great family with long marriage and grown children in prestigious universities.  He

Friday Reflections 89: Friendships

I am out in New Mexico this weekend with friends, including my older brother.  And this morning we are having a conversation about connection and relationships and how important they are.  It is especially important to connect in person, without the distraction of phones.  To be physically together, to laugh, to hug, and experience the energy and connection that comes from being in physical proximity to each other.  This is something I have struggled with much of my life.  Even this trip, which is the first time I have had a large group of friends that have no other function in my life besides friendship, coming with me out here.  I have always felt everything should have a purpose and

Friday Reflections 88:  The Transforming Power of Slow

“Slow down; even if you get through less, you will get more out of it.” Jay Shetty said on the Calm app last week.  My marathon coach is telling me to run faster, I must train slower.  To handle the increased load on my body, I must sleep more, at least 8.5 hours per night.  My functional medicine doctor is telling me to slow down my eating, chewing each bit at least 30 times and taking 30 minutes, yes 30 minutes, to eat each meal.  I have experienced this myself as well when I slowed down my swimming to go faster.  Most of these demonstrate slowing down actually helping us get through more, be more effective, or faster.  Even when

Friday Reflections #87: Community

What does community mean today?  It used to be the town you lived in, the church or local organizations you belonged to.  Your neighborhood with its neighborhood stores and restaurants.  Your place of work.  Your family and friends.  And that was all in one geographical location.  It was fairly integrated, with people from your work and neighborhood also at your church and on your kids sports teams and in the same restaurants.  What is it now? My oldest son and I were demo-ing the Apple Vision Pro today.  It is amazing technology!  The 3-D photos and videos and immersive panoramic photos as well as the environment settings where you can tune out everything except people.  The gaze-tracking “mouse” and gesture

Friday Reflections #86: Glop

This word has come up many times and in many places in the last few weeks.  I have lived it as well.  What is glop?  It is the gooey, liquid mess that is inside a chrysalis.  That’s right, it is a thing.  It is what the caterpillar dissolves into before it transforms into a butterfly.  The most recent place I heard this was from Chip Conley when he was talking about his new book,  Learning to Love Midlife.  In it he shares that we are like the caterpillar in early life, consuming and growing, and the fall apart to glop in early midlife shedding our old form and identities, before transforming into a butterfly in later midlife where we become

2024 Friday Reflections #4: Why Life is Better in the 50’s!

Life is better at fifty because I am comfortable in my own skin. I love the life I have instead of striving for something I don’t. I feel completely loved and accepted, and a deep sense of belonging with those I love the most, at a level never experienced before. I have dropped shame and should’s from my life. I am free from concern about what others think of me, allowing my creativity to unleash. My relationships are great. I have a deep, real active connection with God which gives me a deep sense of purpose. I have enough time and money. Because of all those things, I am healthier in all 4 dimensions, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally than

2024 Friday Reflections #3: What Do You Have To Do?

It’s amazing how my mind can mess with me even in seemingly idyllic situations. I can still get myself really wound up about all the stuff I have to do, what I must do, even if those things aren’t work related. When I was in New Mexico it was supposed to snow 12 inches overnight on Saturday and my son wanted to go fresh-track skiing first thing in the morning. My Boston Marathon training plan had me scheduled to run 12 miles in the morning as well. I tossed and turned quite a bit between midnight and 1 AM thinking about these two things that I have to do and how to make them both fit. I remembered that there

2024 Friday Reflection #2: Attention Addiction

The greatest gift we can give another human being is the purity of our attention.  This quote is attributed to Richard Moss.  I have repeated it many times because it is true.  But the purity of attention is given less and less today in the hyper-speed, hyper-distracted culture.  A recent study showed that even having a silenced and upside-down phone in view when two people are talking, will keep the conversation at a shallower level than if it is not there.  Our attention is divided, so we can’t give it purely to another person.  What are we giving our attention to?  I experienced this week what millions already know:  Reels.  Reels of any kind, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, are designed

2024 Friday Reflections #1: What is Success?

At my age, 52, and the age of many of my friends, success is often talked about as two things. First is how much money you have or are making and second is what amazing things your kids are doing.   Today I will write about the second one.  Of course, we are all proud of our children and want the best for them. And I see and hear so many stories from my peers of the amazing things their kids are accomplishing, going to law school, attending this or that famous university, making huge money in their own creative business at a young age, starring on a high school or college football team. These are all good things, but are they really success? Stand alone,

2023 Friday Reflections #47 Happy New Year

This is a time many of us look back and reflect on the previous year and look forward and plan the new year.  In our monthly Mid-Life Transition meeting this month, we discussed best practices for reflection and planning.  Here are the take aways. Review your photos from 2023 in your phone and select your favorite 3-10 from each month and put them in an album for the year and play it for yourself and your loved ones. Reflect on Growth not just Success/Failure for the last year. What have I learned and how have I grown are just as important if not more important than my success, usually measured in money. Schedule down-time for planning, annually, weekly, evening daily.

2023 Friday Reflections #46: There Is No Right Action from The Wrong Space

We have all heard it said that you can’t tell if an action was good or bad until you know the intention. It is true! The last two weeks, I have been reflecting on that. In Recovery, we say you are either run by Higher Power or by your personality defects. I see that every day in my own actions. It is not possible to have the right action when in the wrong heart space, when being run by my personality defects. I tried today, when I was asked to help, and I did it but grumbling the whole time about why they couldn’t manage it themselves. I was being resentful of being pulled into something I thought was “their job.” I did manage to help with that

2023 Friday Reflections #45: Momentum

As I was running a 25km trail run today and reflecting on my progress on my book and my podcast, it crystallized for me about the importance of momentum and how to use it. I was reminded by listening to the end of Rich Roll’s book, Finding Ultra earlier in the week.  He talks about the need to keep the momentum when training or writing a book, to keep touching it, to keep putting in energy even after significant progress where the tendency is to relax or pause and celebrate. It’s OK to celebrate, but if you pause too long, you lose the momentum, your fitness erodes, and you book stagnates.  I realized I pause too long to celebrate my

2023 Friday Reflections #43: Gratitude

Are we grateful because we are happy or are we happy because we are grateful?  Most of my life, I thought it was the former.  When I was happy, I would be grateful for whatever had happened to make me happy.  The issue with this is that I am looking for something external, something I don’t control to make me happy.  This TED Talk by David Steindl Rast changed my perspective.  https://www.ted.com/talks/david_steindl_rast_want_to_be_happy_be_grateful?language=en He makes the case that we are happy when we are grateful.  And what triggers gratitude is a gift of high value, freely giving with no strings attached.  And that is what each and every day is.  Nothing has higher value than life and it is giving to

Friday Reflections #44 2023: Fueling the Machine

I feel amazing today.  I have had high energy all day.  I have been in a very good mood, even though I didn’t run and do my strength workout until this afternoon.  Normally, I get my energy from running outside early.  I have been very productive on the professional and personal fronts.  Oh, and I am down 5 pounds since yesterday too.  And most of this is because of the fuel I am putting in the machine.  Last month I was diagnosed with microscopic, lymphocytic colitis.  It is a very mild case, but still something I want to heal, but the GI specialist said it can’t be cured, only managed.  I have been wanting to clean up my eating anyway

Friday Reflections: Inspiration to Action

Friday Reflections: Inspiration to Action Since transitioning out of my full-time job, I have been grown greatly which has opened me to inspiration. I used to struggle to know what I wanted to do. I couldn’t connect with inspiration. When I did feel it, I would question it. Is this really right for me? What will the outcome be? Will it be worth the effort? How will I accomplish it? I was questioning if I “should” do it or not. I questioned the whole process. As I have continued to grow, I have gotten much better of letting go of having to know the outcome, at not questioning so much what the results will be. Even so, I often don’t take any action on the inspirations that come in, even

Friday Reflections: Accomplishment vs. Experience

The last week I have been having tremendous experiences! Really enjoying the beautiful fall weather and time with my family. It started on the weekend when we celebrated my son’s 20th birthday on the 20th at my 52nd birthday on the 22nd. We had a wonderful time eating outdoors at fabulous local restaurant. At one point it struck me: this was having the exact kind of celebration and connection with family that I always dreamed about but never really thought was possible. It was just the five of us, my wife and three kids, but everybody was in a great spirits, there was no tension of any kind, lots of love, fun, and laughter as we enjoyed this delicious food.

Friday Reflections: Decide and Then Make it the Right Decision

I have been in a funk some of this week, feeling down, disengaged, low energy, and even angry. As I am coming out of it this morning, I read the daily quote from Ester Hicks. “Decide and then make it the right decision. There are many choices. All and any one of them is better than no decision.” This rings true to me. One day this week, I was sort of working, sort of packing for my big back-packing adventure and thinking about the one I wasn’t doing while I was doing the other. I was also sort of helping my son with his truck maintenance. I was in this funk of in-between. I was stuck in indecision. Late in

Friday Reflections: Rest is Your Superpower

This Tuesday I was sick for the first time in a long time. It was clear my body was saying, “If you don’t get enough rest, I will slow you down and force rest on you.” I slept most of the day on Tuesday after going like crazy that last few weeks. I am feeling better now, but it is a lesson I have to keep learning. I think I am slower than most 😊. Even with all the recovery and healing I have done in the last few years, it is still hard for me to shut it down in the evening and get great sleep. I had another reminder this week about the benefits of adequate rest. I

Friday Reflections: Authentic Leadership

Yesterday, I had the privilege of discussing Authentic Leadership with Bill George, Keith Krach, and Chris Ackerley, all extraordinary authentic leaders. Bill ( https://billgeorge.org/about ) wrote the book defining Authentic Leadership after decades of running big companies and is now a senior fellow at HBS. Keith has worked for (#GM) and lead (DocuSign) many companies and was the US Under Secretary of State, and Chris has built, run and sold many companies and currently co-owns the Seattle Kraken. It was great to see they all have successful, decades-long, marriages and put family first. They all said trust was the absolute key to leadership and life. It is the key to all relationships. And all business and life is done through

Friday Reflections: Purpose and Presence

As you know, I spend a lot of time reflecting on purpose and have written before on Shaw’s lines, “This is the true joy in life, Being use for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.” After a meditation this week, I picked up a Michael Signer card that said “Enthusiasm, Joy, Love: If you have these going on all the time on the inside, who cares what is happening outside?” So true! On vacation with my family in NM for two weeks, I have felt so much joy, love and enthusiasm! I have made many connections with family and friends this week back at home as well including being over at a friend’s house last night. They

Friday Reflections: To Be More Effective, Slow Down

Life keeps giving me this reminder. This week it was taking my Airstream out for it’s maiden voyage and trying to get this stabilizing hitch hooked up correctly. I read the manual for the parts that weren’t already assembled by the previous owners and then followed the steps but couldn’t get the stabilizer bars connected. So I jumped into action about moving the hitch up, but it needed very large and special tools. I quickly got to work calling stores and friends to see where I could get these tools. I spun up several people and had a detailed action plan. All good things, but for the wrong tasks. Meanwhile, my family was waiting for me to go to dinner

Friday Reflections: Proximity is Connection

Over Memorial Day weekend, I drove from Nashville to our home in Taos, NM with my 19 year old son Sawyer and 17 year old daughter Kayli. We stopped for a day to ride MTB’s and enjoy the parks of Bentonville, AR making the trip 3 days in total. Those three days we were in the very close proximity, in the truck or hotel room most of the time. We all felt so connected! We laughed, played, sang, talked about very deep and light things. I don’t remember laughing that much and that hard in a long time if ever. It was great to live life in very close proximity. Amazingly there were no upsets and many cherished moments. This

Friday Reflections: Does Success Make Us Happy?

As a father of 3, I wonder how much to push them to get good grades and STEM education so that they can get a good job, work hard, and be successful. As with all parents, I “just want my kids to be happy.” But is that really the path to happiness? As I wrestle with my own mid-life transition, I am confronted with this question. What really makes me happy? Is it more money? No! If that were the case, I would have stayed in my job. And if not, then what? What about for my kids as they enter the adult world? Actually, more money does increase happiness, but only up to earning ~$100,000/year. After that it decreases.

Friday Reflections: The Power of Reflection

Reflection is a powerful tool for personal growth and happiness. It allows us to examine our lives and learn from as well as appreciate our experiences. As the Stoic philosopher Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” And for much of my life I was living an unexamined life. I felt journaling took too much time. I had many journals from specific events or workshops, but I didn’t have a disciplined, daily reflection or journaling process until September 1, 2020. I have done it every day since then. It has improved my mental health and well-being. It reduces stress, boosts mood, and increases self-esteem. By reflecting on your life, you can discover your strengths, values, and purpose. It

Friday Reflections: Shame Shuts Us Down

Yesterday I had my first major ride on my new mountain bike that I bought over 3 weeks ago. Why did it take me so long? My first ride, I couldn’t clip out of my right pedal and fell to the low side, spraining my wrist. I was ashamed. Here I just spend all this money on a new bike and couldn’t even complete a ride without hurting myself. How stupid and inept can I be after decades of riding to not be able to get my foot out fast enough. I felt extra stupid since it was my right ankle which I had just sprained riding my son’s skateboard. (Again stupid!) But here is what shame does….It SHUTS US

Friday Reflections: The Power of Gratitude

I can’t be reminded enough of the power of gratitude. I see it constantly in all areas of my life. The single biggest tool I have against feeling down, sad, or depressed, is gratitude. I practice it daily in my morning journaling and in my evening check in with my wife before we go to sleep. In the morning I list at least 5 things I am grateful for from the last 24 hours. And the key is to reconnect with the feelings I had in my body, both emotionally and physically, that were good, warming, connecting. These things are often simple like the cup of tea I enjoyed, or a hug from my son, or the sun on my

Friday Reflections: Will you show up for your grand adventure?

Joseph Campbell said “The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.” This is our most important “work,” and is the journey I have been on for the last few years. I have been willing to be uncomfortable in the not knowing. I have not just taken on something to fill the space and stop the discomfort. To say yes to my adventure, I must say no to other things. I am glad that I am patient with myself had said many no’s. Then, last week, I have been living into my adventure. Last Friday-Sunday I was helping prepare for and facilitate a guts-work weekend where people get to do

Friday Reflections: Are You Being a Cow or a Buffalo?

I have driven across the U.S. plains many times in the last year and have seen many great herds of cows, and elk, and some buffalo and antelope too. Seeing how the buffalo handle the storms compared to the cows is a great lesson for how I address my problems or tasks. I don’t know about you, but I often put off doing things that need to be done, like writing this, that I planned to do yesterday. Or I avoid someone that I need to have a courageous conversation with, hoping that it will somehow handle itself. These problems or tasks are to us like the storms are to the large grazing plains mammals. However, in the above example

Friday Reflections: The Attention Economy

We all know this. It is no longer the knowledge economy, but the attention economy. The big tech companies all have one object; keep and hold your attention. How many eyeballs to do the get and for how long. And most of us think that it is a good trade off to not have to pay for social media. But we are paying, with the most valuable thing we have, our attention, our time, our life. It is no accident. These companies know that our attention is the most valuable thing there is, and they are working hard to capture and hold it. If we recognized it was so valuable, would we give it away so unintentionally? Or would we

Friday Reflections: What to do when you don’t know what to do.

It comes up all the time. At work, a team members come to me with a problem, and I ask what they think is the solution. At home, one of my kids is struggling with how to improve a sport or skill or with a faltering relationship. I ask each of them what they think is their next step. Or when I was asking my self what to write for Friday Reflections today, the answer is the same, “I don’t know!” So what do you do when you don’t know what to do? Simply ask yourself this, “If I did know what to do, what would I do?” It opens up a different part of the brain to new possibilities

Friday Reflections: It is scarier to think about it than to do it

Watching my son Sawyer at the top of his first steep, tree-lined run in deep powder, reminded me of this timeless lesson. He was frozen in fear. Looking back on it, he said, “The top was big scary! The skiing was fun and even the falling was fine. Getting up was hard, but not scary.” I had the same experience when I dropped in off the cornice the same day. I still clearly remember my first time at the top of a blue run at Blue Mountain near Toronto, and how long I was frozen by fear. Once I moved the fear receded dramatically. It is the same in business. I remember the first time my mentor wanted me to

Friday Reflections: Depression

Am I courageous enough to write this? Yes. This week I have had two mornings where I felt incredibly down. I felt hopeless and everything was dark and sad. The first was 4 AM Saturday. I couldn’t sleep and felt this heaviness, a black hole in my chest and started beating myself up for being down when my life is “perfect.” And if everything is “perfect” and I still feel bad, what can I do about it? What’s the point. I started to cry and my angel, my rock, my wife, held me and said, “It is ok to cry sometimes. It is ok for feel bad.” She had the courage to help me go deeper into my sadness asking,

Friday Reflections: When to burn the boats!

In society today, we value options, whether in trading or careers or even relationships. We want to keep our options open. And options do have value in certain situations. But they also have a price! Starting with relationships, if we keep our dating options open, it keeps us from the beauty and depth of a long-lasting marriage. There is no way I could have the wonderful 29-year marriage I have if I had kept my options open. It is the same trading. We can hold the option, or the stock but not both. The option give us the right to buy the stock at a certain price at some point in the future, but we don’t own the shares with

Friday Reflections: Triggering Relationships

A few weeks ago in Friday Reflections, you read that the quality of our relationships is the most important factor in a good life. That is true. And what do we do when some of those relationships trigger us? Do you feel anxious every time you are around your in-laws, or high school friend or boss or angry every time your connecting with a certain client or co-worker? What is triggering these reactions? If relationships are most important, and they are, what can we do when they trigger unwanted emotions? I had two experiences of this recently and will tell the story of one of them. I was invited to join my college fraternity brothers on a ski trip and

Friday Reflections: Doing or Being?

Years ago, when I moved back to Detroit from Germany, I felt I needed to focus less on doing and more on being. Being a good husband. Being a better father. Being healthy. And I did make some progress in those areas. Five years ago I had the feedback from a work superior that I must not be angry in my emails. I must always remain calm and considerate. It was very good feedback about my way of being, not doing. Every day, after my prayer and journaling, I discern what it is that I should DO that day. This week, I have changed my focus to what should I BE today. This has changed how I DO everything. The

Friday Reflections: Persistence without Forcing = Flow

While, skiing in the Rockies, we had 3 bluebird days and then snow planned for our final day. We got to the lift at 8:30 and it was closed until noon for the high winds. The nearby gondola line was over 2.5 hours. Most of my friends called it a day. I decided to see if we could flowly get to the other side of the mountain where lifts were open. What was the next step? See how long the line was for the gondola going down to the shuttle bus. It wasn’t bad so one friend and I joined it. The line for the bus also wasn’t bad, so we took that next step. Arriving at the other side,

Friday Reflections #114: Beauty

Is there anything more beautiful than the late-afternoon sun-drenched, yellow, aspen leaves fluttering in the breeze against the bright blue sky? Not to me. But

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