I have to do this! Or, I get to do this. Is life happening to me? Or is life happening for me? I should do this. Or, I want to do this. Each of these is only one word different, but that one word can make all the difference. “ There is nothing I have to do and nowhere I have to go.” Is one of my favorite affirmations in the Workaholics Book of Recovery. It is a reminder that I always have a choice, that I always have agency. There will be natural consequences for my choices and I always have that choice. That also applies to how I choose to frame things. This week, I had my first overseas trip for work since Covid. At first I was feeling that I had to go on this long trip. Then I asked myself what was good about it, and immediately saw many things. Right a way, I reframed it to that I get to go on this trip. And if I get to go on it, how would I want it to be? Even though I had a very full week, I chose to have more space and not land right before the meeting as I used to always do. It felt much better to get there the day before. Giving myself that extra space proved valuable for the purpose of the trip and I wasn’t stressed or rushed. The trip was actually very enjoyable and productive without being heavy. On the personal front, I had planned an epic adventure with my friends for yesterday, running Rim 2 Rim in the Grand Canyon. That is definitely something I get to do, not have to do. My son, Sawyer, pledged Sigma Chi at my chapter, and initiation was today. At first I thought, I should be there for his initiation, and it felt like an obligation. But after just a few seconds, I reframed it, realizing I really wanted to be there for this big shared moment in our lives. I still felt bad about missing the R2R run, but then I reframed that too, and realized I was glad that I had something really cool that I chose to give up to be there with Sawyer, to show him how important he is to me.
This was a very full week. In the past it would have felt heavy, like life was happening to me, but by reframing, I really enjoyed the entire week and felt that life was happening for me. It made every moment more enjoyable.
What would you like to reframe this week to create more joy in your life?
Have a great weekend!
Art