This has been a tough week. I found out on Monday we released an old level of my book to the printers, just when I wanted to move it from pre-launch to launch mode. I was still on rest from my marathon so I was not running in the morning, which really helps my mood. We are leaving today for our 30th anniversary trip and I had the feeling all week, that I couldn’t get everything done before I left and that I would be late, stressed, and un-prepared for the trip. (Be careful what you think!) Finally, yesterday I had my 6-month follow up with my functional medicine doctor where we were reviewing the detailed blood test results compared with when I started on the program. While most of my blood test improved significantly, cortisol actually increased slightly, meaning I am more stressed. He said, “You simply have to slow down or stress will start to affect your health again.” I really didn’t want to hear this! “I like going and seeing and doing!” I protested in my head. But right afterward I had a therapy appointment and realized that I have started wanting to control things again, to be successful, or significant. I can even pinpoint the time when it started on the way back from Taos after spring break when I decided to focus on my podcast, books, and coaching instead of my consulting business. Right then, I thought, “If this is going to be my career now, I need to bring all of myself to bear and make it happen, make it successful!” Without realizing it then, I brought my workaholism back to life at the at moment. My ego subtly and suddenly jumped back to full force. I felt the need to become successful and significant in this new way to gain approval. The book project that had been only for my kids, I now wanted to be a best seller. I needed to earn respect, honor, and love through my success. Even though I had given myself a year to develop a path to profit in these new spaces, I felt like I needed to have that NOW! There was one night last week where my stress level was 75/100 when it is usually under 20. I was back in the saddle in all the wrong ways.
The good thing is that I have people around me, my spouse, friends, my doctor, therapist and sponsor that all called me out this week and let me know that no amount for success, from none to huge, will change how they feel about me. What they want for me is to be sustainable, connected to myself, God and them, and live a good life. With the help of my wife, I adjusted my expectations for this week and spent time with her anticipating and preparing for the trip ahead of time so we could have a relaxed departure this morning. And I am committed to Letting Go and Letting God again. This has served me so well in that last years and when my ego takes over, I want to take back control, which doesn’t work.
Where has your ego slipped back in to try to take control of areas of your life? Or where it has never let go? What are you doing (again) that you know doesn’t serve you and your communities? Who can you talk to about it to help bring you back to center? Talk with them this weekend and have a better week next week without the ego in control.
Blessings,
Art
#control #serenity #approval #respect #earn #love #worthiness #LGLG #wellbeing #stress #health #workaholism #ego
