Am I courageous enough to write this? Yes.
This week I have had two mornings where I felt incredibly down. I felt hopeless and everything was dark and sad. The first was 4 AM Saturday. I couldn’t sleep and felt this heaviness, a black hole in my chest and started beating myself up for being down when my life is “perfect.” And if everything is “perfect” and I still feel bad, what can I do about it? What’s the point. I started to cry and my angel, my rock, my wife, held me and said, “It is ok to cry sometimes. It is ok for feel bad.” She had the courage to help me go deeper into my sadness asking, “Where are you feeling it in your body? Who is feeling it?” She was amazing, helping me to feel Ok about not feeling OK and to let it out without any self-consciousness or self-criticism. I embraced the sadness, dove into the deep water, and got through to the other side. I was the freest cry I have had in my life. After a long time, I felt much better and got up followed my normal process of prayer, meditation, and exercise first thing in the morning. On Thursday, I felt really bad in the morning again. Even after running 7 miles with friends, I still didn’t feel any better. So I reached out, first to a 12-step recovery friend who prayed with me and then when I saw my wife I told her how I was feeling and she stopped and talked with me for 1.5 hours. She validated where I was, helped me connect with gratitude for my current life and have excitement for the future as well. I am happy to say this morning I feel great. And I have a few take-ways I would like to share.
- Just because I have a “perfect life” doesn’t mean I won’t feel really down sometimes.
- Resisting this feeling makes it worse and it lasts longer.
- Acknowledging it is powerful. I thought it was cliché, but the line “It is ok to not be ok” is true.
- Letting someone else know is powerful. The human connection is key.
- Embracing it instead of trying to fix pr resist it, is magical. Feel it. Let it move through you. Dive into the dark cold water and get through to the other side.
The absolute key for me was to let someone else know how I was feeling.
This shows once again that good relationships are the key to the good life. Stay connected to those you love and don’t assume they are ok just because their life seems perfect on the outside. Last summer, we lost, to suicide, a great life and light here in the Nashville community who had “THE PERFECT LIFE.” And if you are not OK, it is OK. Let someone you love know so you can get through it.
You are not alone,
Art
