As a father of 3, I wonder how much to push them to get good grades and STEM education so that they can get a good job, work hard, and be successful. As with all parents, I “just want my kids to be happy.” But is that really the path to happiness? As I wrestle with my own mid-life transition, I am confronted with this question. What really makes me happy? Is it more money? No! If that were the case, I would have stayed in my job. And if not, then what? What about for my kids as they enter the adult world?
Actually, more money does increase happiness, but only up to earning ~$100,000/year. After that it decreases. However, if we develop our happiness, the way we would our physical fitness, it makes us more successful. Kevin Kelly, Futurist, author, and founder of Wired magazine shows that people who follow their adventure in their twenties, which looks like failure at the time, are more successful later in life. That success is usually related to that adventure. Neil Pasricha, The Happiness Equation author, explains there is no long-term happiness boost for those that get promoted, but happier people are more likely to get the promotion.
We have it backwards. If we want to be successful, develop a happiness practice. What can you do to be happy? There are thousands of studies on this now. I will share a few. The first, from Arthur Brooks, Happiness Professor at Harvard. His keys are Faith, Family, Friends, and Meaningful Work. If you look at the Harvard Study on Aging, spanning 80 years, it shows relationships are the highest contributor to overall well-being in life. Neil Pasricha says it is the 4 S’s, Social – friends and family, Stimulation – learning new things, Structure – what gets us out of bed each moring, and Story – being a part of something. For me, it is spiritual practices, deep relationships with family and friends, adventure/exercise, gratitude, and meaningful work. I am doing very well in spiritual practices, and adventure/exercise, and much better than I used to in relationships and gratitude. I am still finding my way on the meaningful work. But, as the other practices are making me happier and more centered, the work I do is more fulfilling. Being happier also allows me to see more clearly what work I love. And even if I never find that perfect purpose, I am living a happy life. I used to “forego the happy moments in pursuit of a happy life.” Not anymore. If I choose the happy moments as I go, even if I never find the “Happy Life,” I will have lived one because a happy life is just a succession of these happy moments.
What is your happiness practice? Which one of these do you want to add to your practice?
As you are thinking about this and enjoying the long weekend in the US, be grateful for those that have died protecting our right to “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
Have a great weekend,
Art
