This has been a great week. All three “children” are home and we are working together to prepare for the high school graduation party today, the youngest, Kayli. It is a real joy living life in community with my family. We have done a fair amount of work on the house including assembling and installing a new gas grill and trouble shooting and repairing a big ceiling fan. Working with my family, I can see how much closer we are than a few years ago when I was gone, working all the time. We all have grown so much. I invite now, not cajole. The work is a joy and service not obligation. The chance to do it for my family is fulfilling, and to do it with my family a true blessing. I saw one area that I still have work to do: force. I like to force things. I like to MAKE things happen. And I somehow think that if a little force is good then more it better. It bit me twice this week. First, I stripped out the threads on the gas valve on the house-side of the gas line for the grill. Second, I hand tightened the nut on the ceiling fan shade just a little more to make sure it was extra good and cracked the glass. Reflecting on this, I see that I used to have this kind of force in my relationships with my kids, too. Thos relationships are so much better without that force now. So, I am changing my motto from “if a little force is good, more it better” to “What is the least amount of force or effort sufficient to accomplish this?” How can I get a good enough result without over doing it? It is also much easier to tighten up a gas line fitting a little more if it is leaking than to replace it all. It is much easier to be a little more direct in communication than it is to repair a broken relationship from too much force.
What is your experience with forcing things? When has it worked? When has it made things worse? What is the effect, short and long term?
Whatever you are doing this weekend, whether it’s celebrating graduation, working, or remembering and honoring our Veterans, see if you can do it with the appropriate amount of force and err on the underside, not over. Take things lightly. Life is easier and better that way.
Have a great weekend,
Art
#relationships #famliy #takethingslightly #force #invitenotforce #joyvsobligation
PS: It’s hard to believe I have posted 100 of these Friday Reflections. Cool milestone. Thanks for reading.
