At this point in my life, I know the most important thing I can do is to heal myself. Through that, and only through that, can I make a positive impact on those around me, starting with my family, colleagues and friends. But what does it mean to heal myself? Is it letting go of the past? Yes. Is it creating mindfulness where I am not easily triggered? Or triggered at all? Yes. As Viktor Frankl says, it is the ability to choose in the gap between stimulus and response, to choose how to respond and not to react out of our conditioning. Is in learning to love myself? Yes. Is it creating compassion toward others? Yes. It is all these things, but that list is incomplete. I have been working on healing myself and personal growth and development actively since I was 17 when I did my first Institute for Self-Actualization workshop. I have been steadily pursuing it ever since, with decades of ISA, active in many churches, doing all of Tony Robbins University, silent retreats in monasteries and ashrams and state parks, 12 step recovery, read hundreds of books, and participated in many executive development programs as well as many tough endurance athletics events and years of therapy. All have been very useful, though some geared more toward high functioning and achievement than healing. The best individual workshop/retreat I have ever done, the highest impact on my healing was in the shortest time, is The Hoffman Process I did in first week of June. I have been reflecting on it for almost a month now and the best way to some it up is that I came home to myself. I came home to who I truly am, centered, present, loving, compassionate, confident, strong human being that realizes I am one of 7 billion and that is OK and strongly desiring connection with others as well as care for myself and balancing these two.
In the weeks following the workshop, here is what I have noticed. First, it seems I was living life in full vibrant color, instead of sepia. Everything is more vivid and alive. If you had asked me before, I would have said my life was in color, but it reached a whole new level. All feelings of depression and despair have left me and have seldom returned. When they do, I can use the tools to let go of it at once, realizing it is just a pattern, not me. I have practiced mindful eating without trying, just being present to whether I am full and if I no longer desire the taste of what I am eating. This causes me to leave food on my plate for the first time in my life. My compassion for others, even those that hurt me a lot, has increased so much that I no longer feel stuck by my past traumas. I have let them go and feel free, not ashamed. I have reduced my blaming of others significantly. Instead of assuming someone took something if it was not there, I can simply see the fact that it is not there, without having to blame. This is also really freeing and benefiting my relationships. I have stopped avoiding money issues and other uncomfortable things. Before, if something might go badly or a certain result might make me feel ashamed, I would simply avoid it, which usually makes it worse. An example is my HELOC, which I knew was running out of its low intro rate, but since I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to refinance it and was ashamed about that, I just avoided it and had late/low payments because of that. Now I am facing uncomfortable situations with curiosity and confidence, not shame. It is empowering! I have been setting good boundaries for myself, not being afraid to ask for what I need, even with those closest to me. I don’t feel ashamed if they are disappointed. That is OK and even means they love me. Checking in with all four aspects of me, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual, helps me to see clearly what all parts need and helps to set more effective and fun actions plans for my days and weeks. Finally, I experienced that I could bring play and joy to even the toughest situations, and be more effective resolving them.
If you have being looking to come home to yourself, to live life in vivid color, let go of the past, reconnect with your sense of play and master that gap between stimulus and response, I highly encourage you to do The Hoffman Process.
What has been your best process for coming home to yourself? Whatever you are doing this weekend, may it be in vivid color and may you have a sense of joy and play.
Have a great weekend,
Art
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