What does community mean today? It used to be the town you lived in, the church or local organizations you belonged to. Your neighborhood with its neighborhood stores and restaurants. Your place of work. Your family and friends. And that was all in one geographical location. It was fairly integrated, with people from your work and neighborhood also at your church and on your kids sports teams and in the same restaurants. What is it now?
My oldest son and I were demo-ing the Apple Vision Pro today. It is amazing technology! The 3-D photos and videos and immersive panoramic photos as well as the environment settings where you can tune out everything except people. The gaze-tracking “mouse” and gesture controls. It’s really cool! And I am not sure I would want to have one even if it weren’t $3,500, before the glasses add on, because it will remove me more from my physical community. I already feel that a lot when I have noise cancelling headphones in when running and can’t really say hello. Or come into the kitchen and my kids are on their phones with headphones in or even in airport where I start to ask someone something and they can’t hear because of headphones. Even simple human interactions that built community in the past, like buying groceries and hardware, we do on an app and never see or interact with another human, robbing us of building that community. So, what is community today?
The deepest, truest sense of community is where you belong unconditionally, you feel safe to be completely open, and you feel seen. No one likes to be watched, but everyone wants to and needs to be seen. This is real community. Even in the historical geographical community, we usually didn’t experience this full, deep sense of the word, but it was much better than the isolation many of us live in today.
In this world that we are in, how can we build this authentic community? There are many ways, but they all require us to step outside of our comfort zone. We must participate in life with others on a regular basis. We must be willing to be vulnerable. And we must be consistent, over time asking for what we need and to be there for others in our community when they ask. Just being there for others doesn’t work. We must ask for help when we need it as well. Some of the places in my life where I feel the deepest sense of community is my nuclear family, followed by my extended family, my spiritual communities in church, men’s group, and recovery, the Mid Life Transition group that I host, and adventure and sports friends. In all of these I have shown up authentically, risking being vulnerable, consistently over years, even decades. And when I am in these communities, I focus there, giving my full attention, asking for what I need and responding when others ask. These can exist over distance, and for them to last you must also physically see each other from time to time. You must also have some community that is physical to have your hugs and touch every day as well. There is a joy like no other in performing the simple daily acts of living, cooking, having a cup of tea, watching the snow fall, giving a hug, walking the pets, cleaning the house, and talking together in physical proximity to those you love, that you are in community with.
Do you have this deepest sense of community? If not, what is the first step you can take to create it? Maybe it is going back to church instead of watching online or going to buy groceries instead of ordering them on an app, or invited a friend over to watch the game instead of watching it alone or maybe it’s opening up to a friend that you are feeling really down. Whatever it is, do it today!
Whatever you are doing this weekend, do some of it in community.
Have a great weekend,
Art
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