Friday Reflections: Shame Shuts Us Down

Yesterday I had my first major ride on my new mountain bike that I bought over 3 weeks ago. Why did it take me so long? My first ride, I couldn’t clip out of my right pedal and fell to the low side, spraining my wrist. I was ashamed. Here I just spend all this money on a new bike and couldn’t even complete a ride without hurting myself. How stupid and inept can I be after decades of riding to not be able to get my foot out fast enough. I felt extra stupid since it was my right ankle which I had just sprained riding my son’s skateboard. (Again stupid!) But here is what shame does….It SHUTS US DOWN! I felt like I was the problem, so I didn’t look for the real problem and I didn’t ask for help. I was ashamed. This week, with less shame do to time, I took my bike to the shop and asked them how to make it easier and faster to clip out. They told me to loosen the tension (which I knew but hadn’t done yet). When I got home, I loosened it and was practicing in my lawn and I fell again. But this time, it was the left foot. So I knew it wasn’t my sprained ankle. But now, I was curious instead of in shame. I wasn’t the problem, or bad, or stupid. Recognizing that, freed me to look for the problem. I became curious and took my shoe off and looked at the cleat and saw it was in a different position than before. It was loos! I checked the other one and it was also loose. I set them both and tightened them down and that solved the problem. I had a great ride without fearing hurting my wrist again. I had to clear my shame, let go of it, in order to see the actual problem. I felt liberated. And here’s the sneaky part, I didn’t even realize I was in shame until it left me.

How many times do we do this at work? Do we have imposter syndrome in a meeting so we don’t speak up? We see an issue, but think it might be us or reflect poorly on us, so we don’t say anything and then it grows into a bigger issue. As leaders, do we let shame in our environment at all? Or do we actively work to make sure everyone has psychological safety? If we allow any shame to exist in our teams, we can be certain people are not bringing up all the problems. We a losing valuable time and innovation by people thinking they are the problem and not finding the actual problem and solving it.

Let go of shame in your life. It is much more fun. We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t make us bad. We can learn from them quickly, ask for help, and move on. And ensure you are creating psychological safety in your families and work teams as well. This will create environments where people thrive and issues are raised and solved quickly, creating value for people and businesses.

Have a great weekend!

Art

PS: Happy Mother’s Day to all the MOM’s out there. You are doing the most valuable work on the planet. Thank you!!!

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