.

I have an amazing life, but I often forget that.  If you are reading this, you also have a wonderful life. Do you also forget sometimes?  Do you catch yourself being down, angry, frustrated, depressed, fearful, or resentful?  If so, it often starts resisting what is.  If I feel like this moment needs to be better or different, I am resisting what is.  If I feel like it is bad, I am resisting what is. The key is to accept what is.  As Eckhart Tolle say, “Make friends with the present moment and see how your life magically transforms.”  But how do you do that, especially if something bad has happened? Here are three ways I was reflecting on this

Is there anything more beautiful than the late-afternoon sun-drenched, yellow, aspen leaves fluttering in the breeze against the bright blue sky? Not to me. But here’s the trick. I must slow down, I have to be still, in order to experience the beauty.  I have lived so much of my life so fast I literally didn’t notice the beauty around me. My whole life, nature has been a way of helping me slow down and see.  On Monday, I went for a hike in the New Mexico Mountains that I love near our rental property home and was amazed by the beauty that I saw in the golden aspen trees. But I couldn’t fully appreciate, be absorbed by it, unless

A misogi is an event that pushes you to your limits, forcing you to confront your fears and weaknesses. Michael Easter says it is so difficult that you’re only 50% sure that you can complete it, and you can’t die. In my book, Purposeful Living, I wrote about challenges making us feel alive. I experienced it doing R2R2R! It is the most difficult single day physical adventure in my life. It took over 18 hours, covering almost 50 miles and 12,000 ft of climbing in a single day. We started at midnight, and I finished at 6:20 p.m. The temperature range was from 35 F to 106 F. There’s lots of time to think, lots of time alone with nature

Community is so important and in so many ways. People that have good relationships, that live in community, live longer and more fulfilled lives. The Harvard Stude of Adult Development shows the best lives, the happiest lives are those that have good relationships. Community. And we also accomplish more together than we do alone. This is especially true when it’s authentic community, community that challenges and inspires us to do difficult things, to be the best we can be. I am deeply grateful to belong to such a community. This February, I was invited by @ThomasKowal and a bunch of his friends to join them to run Rim to Rim to Rim in the Grand Canyon. I thought that was

Several things this week have me reflection on midlife transition. First, I flew with my youngest child, Kayli, to Scotland and got her set up at college and then left her there! I won’t see her until Christmas. The youngest! I am now back as an almost empty-nester, as my oldest is living his own life with busy job but still renting a room here for a few more months. Big mid-life transition! Second was “flow” reading an early draft of my friend Zana Goic Petricevic’s upcoming book, Leading on the Edge, which challenged me in many ways. The biggest being what I need to do to make sure I don’t die an unlived life. Third is launching Mid-Life Transition

I have thought deeply about purpose my entire life, but especially the last five years. When I first did the institute for self-actualization workshop in 1989, I heard George Bernard Shaw’s poem, “This is the true joy in life being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.” When I attended Tony Robbins’ Date with Destiny 25 years later, I discovered that my primary question, the one I asked myself continuously, was “What is the purpose of my life?” It haunts me still as I am working through my midlife transition. “What is my purpose in the second half?” I asked myself. I’m starting to look at it differently. Maybe there isn’t some massive, unique purpose for

This was my motto starting in 2019 or 2020.  I know it was front and center when I was sick in 2020 and through my decision to leave my job in 2021 as well as starting my consulting business and podcast, selling my farm and buying a place in New Mexico.  I let go and trusted God and the results were amazing.  It was amazing for my spiritual growth and my mental and physical health and also for my finances and professional contribution as well as integrating my work with my family and friends.  I was most amazed by how much more value I could add at work when I wasn’t trying to be significant, when I was much slower

In America we celebrate rugged individualism! We love the story of the person who pulled themselves up from rags to riches. We applaud those that step up and take on heroic challenges and seem to overcome them on their own. We congratulate those who figure it out alone, learning from personal experience. But that is not the smartest way. We can learn much better and faster from someone else’s expertise, if we are willing to ask for help. Asking for help benefits us and others in many ways. Here are a few examples. When I ask for help, I invite others into connection and community. Seeking advice or input makes others feel seen and feel better towards me. A few

We hear it a lot. Keep your heart open. But what does that mean? I have had a great week. And I think it is largely because I have kept my heart open and recognized quickly when I started to close it. Here are the things I have noticed. First is how I keep my heart open toward myself, having the courage to go for the life that I desire, to plan and do those things that inspire me, even if I fear they will disappoint someone else. In reading Bronnie Ware’s writings on the regrets of the dying this week, it shows the top regret is not living a life true to ourselves, but one others expected of us.

Yesterday, I was writing my morning pages, when my cousin was also talking to me. I asked me to allow me to focus on my journaling and he wandered away. It felt hard and sad to ask someone I love to leave. I felt like I was shunning him. I love myself and need this time alone. He loves me too and wants what is best for me, so it is not shunning him. It is loving and taking care of myself, which he would also want. By me making this uncomfortable request, I am helping him care for me, which he really wants to do. The most important message of Jesus is to love God and then love others

Last week I was in enjoying time together with my family on vacation in New Mexico, but I was also feeling tired and out of sorts.  Ok, here is a little context.  I am training for a 50-mile run in the Grand Canyon this fall, R2R2R, on my way to try to qualify for the Boston Marathon next year.  I have been logging quite a few miles.  I am also hosting the Life in Transition Podcast, which I love, and facilitating my Mid-Life Transition Mastery groups, and launching a related coaching business.  These are all good things, but I haven’t yet mastered working on any of them in a sustainable way.  Last Wednesday I woke and realized I was supposed

At this point in my life, I know the most important thing I can do is to heal myself.  Through that, and only through that, can I make a positive impact on those around me, starting with my family, colleagues and friends.  But what does it mean to heal myself?  Is it letting go of the past?  Yes.  Is it creating mindfulness where I am not easily triggered?  Or triggered at all?  Yes.  As Viktor Frankl says, it is the ability to choose in the gap between stimulus and response, to choose how to respond and not to react out of our conditioning.  Is in learning to love myself?  Yes.  Is it creating compassion toward others?  Yes.  It is all

The last 10 days have been big in two ways. I was best man in my cousin’s wedding the same day my son was best man in his best friend’s wedding. It was so wonderful to see my cousin, who is more like a brother as we were raised together, finally getting the love and happiness he has so long deserved. I was honored to be there for him and with him. It was wonderful to be with all my siblings and cousins! It was a very full week. The second was increasing my meditation to 20 minutes twice a day and doing morning pages journaling as well. In the morning, it takes at least an hour to complete my

After such a wonderful week and weekend last week, this week has been very hard.  I have had several days where I felt depressed.  It is not just sad, but when everything looks gray and feels hopeless. Things that normally make me happy, the beautiful weather, running out doors, even connecting with my family, didn’t.  I even had a hard time tapping into gratitude during my morning and evening practices.  It finally shifted on Thursday morning with the use of three tools.  The first is to look at my situation in third person, to observe it from a distance.  When I was doing my morning feeling check in and I was feeling depression, I suddenly had the thought, “There is

This has been a great week.  All three “children” are home and we are working together to prepare for the high school graduation party today, the youngest, Kayli.  It is a real joy living life in community with my family.   We have done a fair amount of work on the house including assembling and installing a new gas grill and trouble shooting and repairing a big ceiling fan.  Working with my family, I can see how much closer we are than a few years ago when I was gone, working all the time.  We all have grown so much.  I invite now, not cajole.  The work is a joy and service not obligation.  The chance to do it for my

This Friday’s reflection is inspired by two things: my youngest child graduating high school next week, and the movie The Bank of Dave. Both got me thinking about the importance of community. As my kids become adults, my role as a parent is changing. It’s a bittersweet time. The Bank of Dave reminded me of the kind of supportive community I want for my children (and everyone!). Here are the key things Tonya and I want our children to know as they enter adulthood: Unconditional Love: You are loved no matter what, as I write about in my book Purposeful Living, Wisdom for Coming of Age in Complex Times (available by clicking this link, or your favorite bookstore – It

My wife and I were traveling for our anniversary this week. Toward the end of the trip, we were enjoying breakfast in the open air looking out over the water on a perfect day where the air touching my skin was a delight.  Sitting there, I was completely content.  I wanted for nothing.  Live was good.  I just let it soak in, desiring nothing more than this moment.  It felt great!  I reflected on that as we traveled home.  We had a wonderful trip and life is good overall.  And not that much had changed in my overall life except my mindset. Most unhappiness is caused by the gap between what we have and what we want, our current life

This has been a tough week.  I found out on Monday we released an old level of my book to the printers, just when I wanted to move it from pre-launch to launch mode.  I was still on rest from my marathon so I was not running in the morning, which really helps my mood.  We are leaving today for our 30th anniversary trip and I had the feeling all week, that I couldn’t get everything done before I left and that I would be late, stressed, and un-prepared for the trip.  (Be careful what you think!)  Finally, yesterday I had my 6-month follow up with my functional medicine doctor where we were reviewing the detailed blood test results compared

Sometime in the last few weeks I have noticed a shift in how I feel about connections with and compliments and congratulations from others.  I don’t know exactly when it started, but I sure can tell the difference now.  Before this shift, whenever I would get a compliment or kind word, I would be thinking about what was behind it.  Why was the other person doing it.  What did they want.  Who put them up to it.  Like there must be some other motive besides just kindness to me.  In the last few weeks, that has shifted.  I can receive congratulatory texts about the marathon I ran last weekend, and just accepted them.  Or invitations to social events and didn’t

I am just finishing up 3 days of being unplugged at a state park in Indian.  It has been wonderful!  I have slept a lot, meditated a lot, wrote a lot, journaled, reflected, walked and ran.  The key is to decompress, to really let everything go.  How do you do that you ask.  I am looking back now over the last 5 years at times I really was able to let everything go. There are only a handful of times: The first was 5 days at the monastery in the NM desert in August 2019; 12 days of backpacking at Philmont in June 2021, stepping into silence retreat at the center for artful living for five days in Dec of

This week has been a struggle. I have felt down and tired.  My wife, Tonya, broke her ankle on Saturday and I injured my foot that affected my running and even just walking around the house, which I was doing much more of as I was taking over Tonya’s roles in the home and taking care of her.  I was working very hard, as it crunch time professionally with my book launch on April 6th, but I was not getting things accomplished, especially the needed administrative tasks.  That was very frustrating.  I was also feeling distance in my closest relationships.  When I get down, I reach out to others, usually starting with my amazing wife.  I talked to her on

A few times in my life I have been lucky enough to have real-time Q&A with Guidance, I call God, via journal writing after an extended silence in nature.  Last Sunday was one of those beautiful and surrendered moments.  I was at my cousin’s house in Santa Fe and a soft and heavy snow was gently falling. I had two clear questions I wanted answered.  I took my journal and a hot cup of tea and went out on the porch and sat in open-eyed meditation, including a walk on the labyrinth for more than thirty minutes, following the process discussed in Episode 16.  I left my phone inside, took off my watch but just had the timer set for

Where I go, there I am.  If I haven’t don’t the internal work to really transition myself, whatever problems I have in one place or setting I take with me to another.  I experienced exactly that this week.  It is my son’s spring break form college, and we are in New Mexico with some friends working on the rental house and skiing and working and hiking and running and visiting.  They are all good things!  Here is what Wednesday looked like.  Woke at 6:00 and did my morning journaling and mediation.  From 7 to 8:40 I was in a video advisory board meeting for a friend’s start up.  Then breakfast and off to the ski mountain.  Home at 3:30 and

What makes us think we have no other way out?  How can we talk ourselves into suicide being the only solution to our pain?  How can the pain be so intense or for our lives to feel so hopeless, that we think killing ourselves will make it better?  Two suicides in my circle in the last year, the closest one to me was in the last week, have me reflecting on it a lot. The first one, last year was a uber successful man in the community.  He truly had it all.  He had started and sold many businesses with at least one 8-digit exit.  He had a great family with long marriage and grown children in prestigious universities.  He

I am out in New Mexico this weekend with friends, including my older brother.  And this morning we are having a conversation about connection and relationships and how important they are.  It is especially important to connect in person, without the distraction of phones.  To be physically together, to laugh, to hug, and experience the energy and connection that comes from being in physical proximity to each other.  This is something I have struggled with much of my life.  Even this trip, which is the first time I have had a large group of friends that have no other function in my life besides friendship, coming with me out here.  I have always felt everything should have a purpose and

“Slow down; even if you get through less, you will get more out of it.” Jay Shetty said on the Calm app last week.  My marathon coach is telling me to run faster, I must train slower.  To handle the increased load on my body, I must sleep more, at least 8.5 hours per night.  My functional medicine doctor is telling me to slow down my eating, chewing each bit at least 30 times and taking 30 minutes, yes 30 minutes, to eat each meal.  I have experienced this myself as well when I slowed down my swimming to go faster.  Most of these demonstrate slowing down actually helping us get through more, be more effective, or faster.  Even when

What does community mean today?  It used to be the town you lived in, the church or local organizations you belonged to.  Your neighborhood with its neighborhood stores and restaurants.  Your place of work.  Your family and friends.  And that was all in one geographical location.  It was fairly integrated, with people from your work and neighborhood also at your church and on your kids sports teams and in the same restaurants.  What is it now? My oldest son and I were demo-ing the Apple Vision Pro today.  It is amazing technology!  The 3-D photos and videos and immersive panoramic photos as well as the environment settings where you can tune out everything except people.  The gaze-tracking “mouse” and gesture

This word has come up many times and in many places in the last few weeks.  I have lived it as well.  What is glop?  It is the gooey, liquid mess that is inside a chrysalis.  That’s right, it is a thing.  It is what the caterpillar dissolves into before it transforms into a butterfly.  The most recent place I heard this was from Chip Conley when he was talking about his new book,  Learning to Love Midlife.  In it he shares that we are like the caterpillar in early life, consuming and growing, and the fall apart to glop in early midlife shedding our old form and identities, before transforming into a butterfly in later midlife where we become

Life is better at fifty because I am comfortable in my own skin. I love the life I have instead of striving for something I don’t. I feel completely loved and accepted, and a deep sense of belonging with those I love the most, at a level never experienced before. I have dropped shame and should’s from my life. I am free from concern about what others think of me, allowing my creativity to unleash. My relationships are great. I have a deep, real active connection with God which gives me a deep sense of purpose. I have enough time and money. Because of all those things, I am healthier in all 4 dimensions, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally than

It’s amazing how my mind can mess with me even in seemingly idyllic situations. I can still get myself really wound up about all the stuff I have to do, what I must do, even if those things aren’t work related. When I was in New Mexico it was supposed to snow 12 inches overnight on Saturday and my son wanted to go fresh-track skiing first thing in the morning. My Boston Marathon training plan had me scheduled to run 12 miles in the morning as well. I tossed and turned quite a bit between midnight and 1 AM thinking about these two things that I have to do and how to make them both fit. I remembered that there

The greatest gift we can give another human being is the purity of our attention.  This quote is attributed to Richard Moss.  I have repeated it many times because it is true.  But the purity of attention is given less and less today in the hyper-speed, hyper-distracted culture.  A recent study showed that even having a silenced and upside-down phone in view when two people are talking, will keep the conversation at a shallower level than if it is not there.  Our attention is divided, so we can’t give it purely to another person.  What are we giving our attention to?  I experienced this week what millions already know:  Reels.  Reels of any kind, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, are designed

At my age, 52, and the age of many of my friends, success is often talked about as two things. First is how much money you have or are making and second is what amazing things your kids are doing.   Today I will write about the second one.  Of course, we are all proud of our children and want the best for them. And I see and hear so many stories from my peers of the amazing things their kids are accomplishing, going to law school, attending this or that famous university, making huge money in their own creative business at a young age, starring on a high school or college football team. These are all good things, but are they really success? Stand alone,

This is a time many of us look back and reflect on the previous year and look forward and plan the new year.  In our monthly Mid-Life Transition meeting this month, we discussed best practices for reflection and planning.  Here are the take aways. Review your photos from 2023 in your phone and select your favorite 3-10 from each month and put them in an album for the year and play it for yourself and your loved ones. Reflect on Growth not just Success/Failure for the last year. What have I learned and how have I grown are just as important if not more important than my success, usually measured in money. Schedule down-time for planning, annually, weekly, evening daily.

We have all heard it said that you can’t tell if an action was good or bad until you know the intention. It is true! The last two weeks, I have been reflecting on that. In Recovery, we say you are either run by Higher Power or by your personality defects. I see that every day in my own actions. It is not possible to have the right action when in the wrong heart space, when being run by my personality defects. I tried today, when I was asked to help, and I did it but grumbling the whole time about why they couldn’t manage it themselves. I was being resentful of being pulled into something I thought was “their job.” I did manage to help with that

As I was running a 25km trail run today and reflecting on my progress on my book and my podcast, it crystallized for me about the importance of momentum and how to use it. I was reminded by listening to the end of Rich Roll’s book, Finding Ultra earlier in the week.  He talks about the need to keep the momentum when training or writing a book, to keep touching it, to keep putting in energy even after significant progress where the tendency is to relax or pause and celebrate. It’s OK to celebrate, but if you pause too long, you lose the momentum, your fitness erodes, and you book stagnates.  I realized I pause too long to celebrate my

I feel amazing today.  I have had high energy all day.  I have been in a very good mood, even though I didn’t run and do my strength workout until this afternoon.  Normally, I get my energy from running outside early.  I have been very productive on the professional and personal fronts.  Oh, and I am down 5 pounds since yesterday too.  And most of this is because of the fuel I am putting in the machine.  Last month I was diagnosed with microscopic, lymphocytic colitis.  It is a very mild case, but still something I want to heal, but the GI specialist said it can’t be cured, only managed.  I have been wanting to clean up my eating anyway

Friday Reflections: Inspiration to Action Since transitioning out of my full-time job, I have been grown greatly which has opened me to inspiration. I used to struggle to know what I wanted to do. I couldn’t connect with inspiration. When I did feel it, I would question it. Is this really right for me? What will the outcome be? Will it be worth the effort? How will I accomplish it? I was questioning if I “should” do it or not. I questioned the whole process. As I have continued to grow, I have gotten much better of letting go of having to know the outcome, at not questioning so much what the results will be. Even so, I often don’t take any action on the inspirations that come in, even